I did it!

October 12, 2007

Not IT it, as in I got my boob job, I mean I did it as in I finally booked my surgery. Haven’t written in a while, mainly because until it’s closer to the operation I don’t have a lot to say, but also because my celeb plastic surgery posts attracted waaaay to many freaky fans giving out to me. Especially for saying that Christina Aguilera doesn’t look good, like can you BELIEVE I SAID that?? Seriously she is totally FABULOUS!!!!!1! OK so yeah, she looks about as real as a 20 dollar Gucci bag, and yes maybe she did used to wear chaps and call herself Xtina and have a weird red afro and actually wear leather trousers with a coloured bit at the crotch, and MAYBE her black hair fake tan no clothes look wasn’t so hot, and I might agree that, OK, she should be locked in a cave for wearing that belt thing as a top, BUT she is FUCKING FABULOUS and I won’t sit here on the Internet and read a post on someone’s blog about how her boob job makes her look out of proportion. That is waaay unfair. She didn’t even GET a boob job…..

Ahem. Sorry I seem to have gone off the point there. Where was I?
Yeah so I booked my surgery. I’m nervous now, I wasn’t before. Suddenly all the risks I told myself weren’t relevant to me are flooding my head. Like what if I don’t heal properly? What if I die from excessive bleeding? What if they’re uneven? What if I end up like Baloon Spice? I just want it over with! D-Day is the 24th of November, a Saturday. So for those of you who landed on this blog looking for detailed details of post-op misery and progress, hang in there, all shall be revealed from the end of November on. I’m going to give a daily update and may include pictures. I would put a before pic up now but it’s too depressing.

(P.S SHUT UP how dare you say Xtina is out of proportion, she is my ROLE MODEL, I am aiming to look like her when I grow up, which will be never. Also your blog is CRAP)
FABULOUS
I SO WANT MY HAIR LIKE THIS

Someone asked me this in another comment. First of all, I’m not an expert in cosmetic surgery. Or in anything. Well, maybe I’m an expert in buying clothes and shoes I don’t need, but that’s it.
But still, I’ll answer the question, it’s actually a good one. EDIT: Since I’ve actually had the surgery now, I’ve changed this slightly to reflect my experience.

So what do you need?

1. Money

Pretty obvious. Mine is costing just over €6,000, so roughly around that amount. Some places have loan companies willing to give surgery wannabes money that they pay pack every month. I decided against this because the interest is very high. I got a loan from my credit union, which has low interest rates and a good payback agreement.

You’ll also need money to buy the following: Some good sports bras, some comfy, button down tops (if you don’t have any), Vitamin C and other immune boosters (check with surgeon before taking), some boredom killers (if you want to). Drugs are usually covered in the total cost of your surgery but if not, you’ll need money for antibiotics and painkillers.

2. Time

Time for research into the procedure, time to go for at least two or three consultations, time to research your chosen clinic and surgeon, time to actually have the procedure and then time to recover. I had very few holidays left in work so I had to plan it all carefully. I took 6 days off for the actual surgery, and had to take two half days for the consultations. I also spent months reading about the risks, and choosing a clinic. If you can, have your surgery on a Friday–it gives you two weekends for recovery instead of one.
Things to focus on:
–The reputation and specialist accreditation of your surgeon
–The risks (and benefits!)
–How you want to look afterwards
–Follow up care and what medication you will be taking, etc. They’ll tell you this in your consultation.

You’ll only need about a week off work, the other stuff can be done around work (or, if you’re me, in work)

3. A good knowledge of what size and shape you want

This is obviously very important. Some surgeons might look at you and decide what will look good. The surgeon I saw was telling me I should go for a 260cc silicone implant, because it would suit my frame, but I said no because I don’t want to be that big. Get pictures, look at people, think about it and tell him or her exactly what you want. Rememer they don’t measure it in cup size, but in volumes. So saying “I want a C cup” won’t actually be much good. Also try stuffing your bra with whatever you have and walk around for awhile with it. Preferably when your housemate and her boyfriend aren’t in the house to stare at you, which is what happened to me when my bra stuffing (those giant silicone chicken fillets you get in Debenhams) fell out and landed at their feet…the mortification.
I eventually DID go for 260cc–because I thought about how little difference there is between 240 and 260 and I decided to go with the slightly bigger size. I would strongly recommend doing this. I am a tiny bit disappointed I didn’t go bigger, up to 280ccs. Because they do soften and decrease in size a tiny bit as they ‘sink in’. But mine are completely unnoticable in clothes– which is what I wanted so I’m happy for that.

4. Good general health
Take vitamin B complex and C running up to the surgery, and also any immune system boost, like Echinacea. Some people say not to do this, but the week before my surgery I started getting a bad cold. I took dissolvable Vit C, drank soup, stayed in bed and religiously used antibacterial handwash to prevent infection. My cold vanished.

5. Determination
OK, it does hurt. But the important thing is, it’s manageable pain, and it doesn’t last long. Imagine you break your ankle–it’s going to be sore for awhile until it heals, and it will take you a while to use both feet again–but soon you’ve forgotten you broke it, until you step a certain way and feel a twinge. It’s not actually pain, like period or childbirth pain, just discomfort and stiffness.
It’s like that, well, except boobs instead of ankles obviously 🙂
It’s worth it, trust me. Every time I look in the mirror and see them I get this happy surprise, because at only two weeks I’m so used to them sometimes I forget they are there.

Also there may be people trying to convince you not to have the surgery. This annoys me because I don’t think it’s a big deal. Once you’re safe and prepared it’s fine. Sure, it’s uncomfortable for a while, but think about it: it’s now as common as getting a hip replacement, or hell even getting a haircut. My main problem pre-op was freaking about complications and the anaesthesia–I think this is normal but stay calm and remind yourself why you are doing this, how much you want it etc. I even had moments where I was going to cancel. Think that’s also normal.

6. A bit of Help

Whether it’s family, boyfriend, husband, best friend, whatever. My mother and sister helped me out. I didn’t want to tell them but they were so cool about it and I felt so much better when they knew. You might be surprised at people’s reactions–if they love you, they will support you, it’s as simple as that. My two best friends were also great. I only really needed help days 1-3, and even on day 3 I could have managed. Help for little things like washing hair, changing bandages/dressings, getting things off shelves…And maybe moral support when you feel down or second guess yourself. I think the whole experience made me weepy and weird. But my mother was there to hug me 🙂

Lets turn it around and be nice for awhile, showing examples of why people get cosmetic surgery in the first place. Whether or not you agree with the principle of plastic surgery, these people simply look better afterwards–as I, too, will soon and I really really REALLY can’t wait.
(Really.)

5. Heather Matarazzo
heather_nose_chin.jpg

A.K.A the girl who played the nerdy friend in various films, the “Where do I know her from?” girl. No doubt she looks a million times better afterwards. But since I don’t really know or care who she is, she’s not getting the number 1 spot. Looks like she definitely got a nose job, but the rest could be just make-up. I think she looks good, anyway.

4. Ashlee Simpson
ashlee_simpson_nose_job2.jpg
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Ashlee got a lot of shit when she got her nose job, which is ridiculous. Let the girl shave down her nose if she wants to. She looks good with it. Maybe her nose bothered her her whole life and one day she thought, fuck it, I want a smaller nose. So what?
Although I personally think her old nose was nice. I like odd shaped or big noses, they’re much more interesting than straight, perfect ones.

3. Jennifer Aniston
e_jenniferaniston.jpg

Subtle difference, but this one was probably not the first, we’ve all seen that dodgy horror film she was in years ago with the Leprachaun (called Leprechaun, perhaps?) where her nose is much bigger. But she looks great either way.

2. Matt Dillon
matt_nose_change.jpg

Seriously, this picture speaks for itself.

1. Demi Moore
demi-moore-picture-1.jpg
demi-moore-2.jpg

She’s admitted she’s had loads of surgery, including knee lifts, boob jobs, botox, God knows what else, but she looks amazing, there’s no denying it. I’m sure some of it is excellent genes and working out or whatever, but that is one talented surgeon…

Fuck off please…

October 3, 2007

I got this expletive filled comment on the 5 celebrities post, telling me I’m a pathetic loser for picking out these women and commenting on their surgery–in otherwords, that it’s ‘mean’. Apparently.
(I didn’t approve the comment because it’s not a reasoned criticism of how we treat celebrities, but a pointless and misspelled rant with language problems. If people reading this disagree with cosmetic surgery in general, or disagree with my choices, then I’m happy to read what they have to say and publish it, like the good comment I got from one person).
I don’t think commenting on celebrity boob jobs is mean, pointless or wrong. Especially if the boob jobs in question look bad. These people are putting themselves out there, of course they’re going to get criticised occasionally. If I stood on an erected stage in the middle of Dublin city with a banner over my head saying ‘Take photos of me, I have breast implants’ people will comment on it. If I get a haircut that makes me look like a mulleted eighties reject, people will laugh. That’s the way it is.
I wouldn’t, for example, go up to a girl in a bar with noticeably bad breast implants and shout “Hard luck!” That’s a different story. You think Janet Jackson and Posh give a shit what I think of their boob jobs??
I don’t think so.

Now that I’ve started paying much more attention to women’s breasts I’m really noticing some bad boob jobs. I’ve already mentioned Posh’s inflatable baloons but she is only one in a large pool of botched implants.
So I’ve decided to compile a list of Bad Boob Jobs, and maybe I’ll print out these pictures and take them to my own surgeon so he’ll know I BETTER not look like this after my surgery!
(Before I begin, I should point out that I’m not just talking about visibly bad boob jobs, like Tori’s cleavage gap or wonky breasts. I also include breast implants that just don’t suit their owner.)

5. Christina Aguilera
Xtina

Not many (or any) will agree with this, but it’s not because they are botched or wonky, it’s because, in my opinion, they do not suit her tiny frame and make her look ridiculous and tacky. Very few small, petite, cute girls have massive, Jessica Rabbit breasts, lets be honest. And if they do, well OK, that’s the way they are. But deliberately making yourself look out of proportion? I don’t get it. I am currently out of proportion and so that’s what I’m fixing- with my augmentation. But Xtina just always looks wrong to me. Remember the Genie in the Bottle video? She was very small but looked cute. Also, is she still denying she’s had implants? It’s pretty obvious, Christina, give it up. Look at her years ago:

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And look at her a few years later:
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I think it’s obvious she looks better before-hand. And before I get bored to death from Xtina fan hate-mails, I’m not criticising her for having a boob job– I had one! I’m just saying IN MY OPINION it doesn’t suit her tiny frame.

4. Jordan/Katie Price
Jordan 1
Jordan 2
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I kind of like Jordan, especially after watching her documentary thing with Peter Andre, which was shamefully addictive. But regardless, her boobs are just too much. They don’t suit her frame, they look like giant fake heads stuck to her chest. Lots of people would disagree with me on this, I know, because loads of women want this done probably. But I think they’re horrible. She would look so much better with smaller, more natural boobs, and could still be sexy, without the tackiness. Everything she wears just looks like a joke, even nice ball gowns and the like.

3. Janet Jackson
Janet

Hmm, I was going to put Tori Spelling in here somewhere, but her and Janet ‘It Just Popped Out’ Jackson seem to have the same, wonky problem. Enough said. I don’t understand why these women wear dresses and tops that show how bad it is. GO AND GET IT FIXED, you’re millionaires (well, Janet is). I’m broke and I would sell my kidneys to the evil Dynasty style woman on Nip/Tuck who’s robbing kidneys for the black market to get a wonky boob job fixed, I can tell you.
Christ.

2. Victoria Beckham
Posh again!

Sorry to pick on you again, Posh, but really they just DON’T SUIT YOU. Surely someone in your entourage would tell you this? Or even Mr. ‘Goldenballs’ Posh? Or one of the kids? You know young kids, they comment on everything. In fact, I bet my 5 year old godson will immediately point at my chest and snigger after my operation. So I don’t get why Posh thinks these bad boys look great. They just do not.
Of course, as I’ve said before, lots of people like this fake look. I don’t get it myself but each to their own I suppose…And considering VB has made her life into faking herself up (boobs, hair, tan, over the top designer clothes straight from the Runway, no interpretation at all, and lets not forget, the pout..) I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that she likes these.

1. Courtney Love
Courtney

Just. So. Bad. And Sad.
I was watching the end of this reeeally bad film the other night, with Charlize Theron and Stuart Townsend (I really only watched the end because Stuart is too beautiful), called Trapped. (I think). Anyway Courtney’s breasts probably got a mention in the end credits, so prominent and eye catching were they. And not in a good way. They kind of stiffly stick out in each direction, not pointing straight ahead, or even sagging, just stuck out there towards each armpit, looking like giant hills or something.
Plus, she’s had so much surgery it’s obvious the boobs are fake too and paired with her plastic face, they do not look good. I think Courtney has destroyed herself– she was always naturally sexy, with good breasts, appropriately grungy bleached hair, and fuck-you-all attitude. I loved her when I was about 14 and listened to Live Through This on repeat.
But now she just looks a bit sad.

Scars

October 1, 2007

Scar

Is it better to have a scar on my armpit, underneath my breasts, my nipple (Gaaah) or my belly-button??
The armpit and nipple sound the most painful. The belly-button method (known as TUBA) is apparently not that sore, because it’s really just fat and stuff down there- pinch a bit and see if it hurts.
But imagine shaving/waxing your armpits and ripping the scar or something- I’m wincing in pain already. On the plus side, NO ONE would see it if the scar stayed red and noticable. Unless you’re Julia Roberts and you raise your hairy armpits for photo opportunities- although if you were her, and you got implants through your armpit, you wouldn’t have to worry about the pain when you shave…
The crease incision is the one most likely to be seen, especially for me, ‘cos I’m so small and won’t be that huge afterwards.
After the whole stuck-on boobs worry, this is the thing bothering me most pre-op, and my priority question for the surgeon when I go back on October 16. In my first consultation he just said most scars go away…but I need more detail!

UPDATE: Neary four months post-op and my scars are still visible but much better than they were. I’m using a skin oil on them regularly (except when I forget) and they’re not really scars anymore, just slightly raised ridges of skin. They are darker than my skin tone but they will fade to pale eventually. Hopefully by the summer they’ll be much better. I did think afterwards that the under arm incision would’ve been better because of the no scars, but, for some reason the thought of the armpit incision freaks me out, not sure why!