Sorry I haven’t been updating the blog, and actually I have a great post half written in response to some fucking dick who mailed me with “28 reasons not to get a boob job” (the reasons included: you can die, it’s pathetic, men don’t like it, and other such bullshit) but I haven’t managed to finish it because I’ve been sick this last week. Not boob sick, just had that awful vomiting bug. I won’t go into details but trust me, it was violent.

Anyway also in the last week, I’ve noticed a mild and occasional pain in my left breast, it’s kind of a milder version of the original pain, if you know what I mean. I had a mini freak out until I noticed my left arm was also occasionally sore. It’s not BAD pain but it comes and goes. My completely uneducated guess is that it’s my muscle aching. Maybe I’m doing too much?
I’m just a little over two months post-op and I really hope this doesn’t mean I have some problem. Mostly because the anti- implant idiots would love it.
I have my two month check up on Thursday with my surgeon so I’ll talk to him about it. I should also mention that I have a ‘weak’ left arm, ever since I was a baby, due to a bad birth and an incompetent obstetrician. Maybe it’s just strained.

Other than that I’m doing good. They look more natural…they’re softening…and the scars seem to be slightly less scar-like…but maybe that’s just my imagination.

Cut them again, Sam

January 18, 2008

Breast Redo Surgery– a scary term for those of us happy with our new boobs and thanking Jesus the surgery part is over, and the looking great part has begun.
But lets be realistic– chances are most of us who get a boob job will need to have them replaced at some point in the future, whether because the implant itself has lost quality in appearance, or because we want to go bigger (or smaller).

It’s a bit early for me to be thinking about it– I plan to wait the recommended five years (after this year’s final check ups) and then go back to a surgeon and just get them done again, regardless of how they look. Actually, the WEEK after my surgery I was like, hey, this wasn’t so bad! I’ll get it done again! I’ll go bigger! My friends were like, um, calm down, you complete plastic surgery addict.

But will we all need a redo? How much will it be? Will the implants start visibly looking bad? It’s all slightly depressing thinking of this but here is what I’ve found out, anyway. Yes, I did me some research. Ahem. *shuffles papers*

Basically, the three most common reasons for breast implant revisions are a desire to change implant size; a need to improve the natural feel and appearance of the breasts; and correcting capsular contracture. I’ll leave capsular contracture out of this, since I don’t have it, you probably don’t have it, and lets all pray we never get it.
So I’ll focus on the need to improve the natural feel and appearance of the breasts, because after up to ten years this all can change, and a redo is recommended. Especially for all us young girls getting it done– I’ll be 30 when I think about going back under the knife.
(OK, that sentence actually scared me a bit. I sound like…I don’t know).

The good news is: not everyone needs a redo. You just wait and see what happens, basically. Go back to a surgeon in five years and get them checked. Also get them checked when pregnant, after pregnancy, and when getting a mammogram.
The other good news is, because the muscle has been stretched and your body has been through it before, it will be much less painful, with a shorter recovery time. Original problems like high boobs and lots of pain won’t be as big a deal.
It doesn’t cost less for a redo–unless you are having it done in the same place because of a problem with your original surgery. I think most places, fearing litigation, will do a redo (?) for free in these cases.

But, yes, many of should expect to need more surgery to replace or remove them in the future.
The exact life span of the implants varies widely from woman to woman…but they are expected to deflate eventually (gulp) and may have a life span of only five to ten years or less.

I wouldn’t let the idea of a redo stop you from surgery– it’s like getting a great bikini wax– it hurts and isn’t pleasant, but it’s worth it, even though you know you’ll just have to go back and do it again…eventually.

But they LOOK fantastic…

January 15, 2008

So I had sex last weekend for the first time since I had the surgery. Thank God, because I hadn’t had sex in four months, which is just too long a time with no sex in it.
Anyway it was with this guy…who we’ll call Jack…..that I’ve liked for a while. And he’s liked me for a while and we were building it up and sending steamy texts…and we’ve gone out casually a few times, usually with other people, and kissed and fumbled.
So finally we decided we’d go out and see what happened. A non-date, because I made him meet me late– outside date time. I hate dates, they’re like job interviews, except you don’t have the bonus of getting a salary at the end.
So we went out and ended up back in his place.
(Incidentally, it’s hard figuring out what to wear when you know you’re simply meeting someone for sex. A coat with nothing underneath? Not in Ireland, your body parts would freeze and then snap off. Jeans and a t-shirt? Slightly boring. I mean, you want to have no fuss, easily removable clothes…which rules out socks, skinny jeans, tights…In the end I wore black trousers, slip on flats and a vest….IN WINTER I wore this. Like a complete fucking idiot. The minute I got outside I regretted it….it was about minus 5 degrees!)
ANYway, sorry. So we went back to his place and it began. He knew about the boobs, I told him a few weeks ago. He was also pretty cool about it. I do believe most guys–who were attracted to you in the first place–will be excited about your new boobs. Guys who say they don’t like the idea are LYING. Men are programmed to like breasts–and the ones (who have already attacked me on this blog) who say fake breasts feel shit and look shit don’t know what they are talking about, and are probably virgins.
Jack, in any case, thought they were the best things ever. I won’t go into the sex details (although I will say that it didn’t really happen the first time, due to the amount of alcohol consumed, so at 4am we did it again and it was fantastic) but at one point, I noticed he was in a position where, if he looked up, he would be face to face with the scars…and I laughed and said, they’re not finished yet! And he said, listen, I don’t give a shit about scars. Turns out a lot of squeezing and rubbing doesn’t hurt, for those who wanted to know.
So I asked him, the next day, for the verdict, and he said again that they look amazing. He actually couldn’t stop touching them…I was like, listen they’re not THAT great–yet—because they’re not fully soft and all that jazz. But apparently, it’s how they look more than how they feel…at least for this guy.
I can’t decide which of us is more caught up with appearances…

So, I’ve reached six weeks post-op and I’m feeling great. FUCK YES. I remember how worried I was before my surgery and wish I could go back and tell myself to calm down and stop worrying. I really must be a textbook case, because I’ve had no problems at all with the boobs. They’ve dropped almost completely into my natural shape and look identical to how they did before my surgery, just fuller and bigger. Still not really completely soft, but I know that takes months.
The scars are still visible but I’m using Bio Oil on them every day and will let you know if it does improve the appearance. I do think they’re slightly less red already.
But don’t use stuff like this on scars that are not fully closed or healed.

I have, however, reached the point where I THINK people close to me are noticing. Don’t know if I’m just paranoid, or they have noticed. I only told my family and my really close friends, oh and that guy I had sex with a few years ago (but that’s because he of course noticed straight away).
My other friends are definitely noticing, not really when I see them, but when they look at photos of me, it’s really obvious.
But what they are thinking is NOT that I’ve had a boob job, but that I look like I’ve naturally gotten bigger.
One girl I know (and don’t like) actually came out and asked me if I had a boob job–I just laughed and mentioned they’ve gotten bigger because I switched birth control pills….

But (and because people keep asking me) unless you go up to a triple D or something, NO ONE will notice, unless you tell them. I seriously doubted this before my surgery but now I know, from my own experience…the one or two people who asked if I had a boob job are people I don’t care about and they were even only saying it jokingly…no one in work has noticed, no one I casually hang out with, my best friend hasn’t even noticed…or if she has, she hasn’t said anything.

Some advice: if you don’t want people to know you got it done, gradually increase the size of your breasts before your surgery, using padding, those chicken fillet things, whatever you have. I did this for two months before my op and it was a great idea–no one in work has noticed at all.

I hope this doesn’t all sound hypocritical–since I’ve said I don’t like when people deny they’ve had surgery–but I tell the people important to me, not people I KNOW will think differently of me and give me shit about it, unless I have to. Not worth the hassle.

Get over it

January 8, 2008

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OK, lets get it out in the open, once and for all, and then lock it forever in a fucking safe and bury the key.
By ‘it’ I mean the dated, boring, insulting and highly annoying perception of women who have their breasts surgically enlarged.
When people say to me “What are the drawbacks of having a boob job?” I don’t say the pain or the nuisance of the whole thing. I say, “Well, it means people think that when the implant goes in, my intelligence goes out and I’m on the phone to a brothel begging for a job.”
Even the idea that all women who work in a brothel, or in the porn industry, are fucking idiots pisses me off.
We’re all going to be judged for our decision, girls. There will always be someone who looks down on you for something that is none of their damn business. So instead of getting angry (which I do, all the time) we are going to ignore it and be the generation of women who prove that having a boob job is not a synonym for: low intelligence, severe mental problems, no love life to speak of, a desire to have sex all the time, a desire to get paid for having sex, a desire to be seen as fluffy and stupid, or wanting excess male attention.
If you’ve got a problem with the idea, stop reading the fucking blog.

Did I really think that?

January 6, 2008

The other day I had a rare insight into how I used to think of myself, and more importantly how other people think of me. Well, used to think of me. I knew I was unhappy with my chest size but I didn’t know I projected this unhappiness like an aura, making me self-conscious and making any guys I was with feel uncomfortable.
I was talking to a friend of mine who I used to work with, and who I used to have kissing sessions with too, which one night turned into sex on the sitting room floor of his apartment. This was about two years ago, or more. I really liked him at the time but the shadow of the small breasted girl’s enemy–The Girl With Bigger Boobs–hung over me like a cloud.We were having drinks Thursday night talking about our ill-fated hook up (he was seeing someone else at the time–yet another sign of my lack of confidence–going for men I knew wouldn’t be able to be with me properly) and we were laughing at the drunken mess we were that night. I told him about my boob job and he was cool about it, saying good for you etc.
Then he reminded me of a conversation we had once where we were kissing in some bar in town and he was trying to feel my boobs. I would always immediately tense up when this happened, although this particular time I didn’t. But the other day he told me that after he had put his hand up my top I said “Do you hate me now?”

Christ. I don’t remember being that bad. I don’t remember saying it, but obviously I did. It’s kind of pathetic but also an excellent insight into how I felt about myself. That’s why it didn’t work between us, I was too crippled with insecurity. Oh and, he had a girlfriend.

It’s amazing how much better I feel about myself now, I know I keep saying it, but it’s true. ANYONE with an insecurity, and everyone has them, will feel better when they consciously go and do something about it. I am not saying that a woman’s happiness depends on her breast size, I’m saying MY happiness was blocked by my own warped view of myself–so I changed it.

Also I still do mostly forget I had it done. I have no pain apart from an occasional and mild muscle twinge, the scars are starting to improve, and they have dropped slightly already. As for softness, the outside of each one is really much softer than the insides, but they will get softer I know. When I lie down, they are harder.

But anyway imagine saying that or thinking that…that a guy who obviously liked me enough to be with me in the first place would go off me because I had no boobs. I was convinced of this for so long…Now if a guy goes off me, at least I know it’s not because I look shit in a nice bra 🙂

I got into a spirited discussion about breast implants (a short one) last week with a nice man called David who writes on this blog.
Obviously I am coming at this from a biased POV, seeing that I am a proud owner of said breast implants. I enjoy talking about and defending breast augmentation. So there I was, listing my reasons why it is harmless, and positive, when I realise there really is no point arguing with someone who is religious. Or possibly a bit mad. And who seems to have a weird hatred of women who have boob jobs. AND who sadly seems to believe that all women with fake breasts are stupid.

Here is what David is saying to me…

“Yes, purchasing breasts merely because you don’t like yours is a waste of time, effort, money and it corrupts the modern spirit of all ancient souls.

Fake breasts are not breasts. They are bags of silicone or saline pretending to be something they are not. Their job is to mock and fool the beauty of the gods and we’ll have none of that supported on this blog.

Is it meant to be funny? I don’t get it. I mean, what??

I would hereby like to offer my most heartfelt apologies to all ancient souls, for corrupting your modern spirit by choosing to have breast surgery. My evil decision is ruining the very fabric of our society and will no doubt result in a collapse in the space time continium that not even Doc Brown will be able to fix.

???

P.S I’m doing great, for those who asked. I’ve had more droppage and softening in the last week. Think I’m a textbook case though, have had very little problems with them. Yay! I have an appointment with my surgeon in a few days so will post back then.
That’s if I haven’t been killed by the gods.