The reviews are in!

February 11, 2008

By ‘reviews’ I mean: another guy review, my surgeon’s review, and, um, MY review. Oh and some random people’s views on my new body parts.

First, sorry again for the not updating– for numerous boring reasons I haven’t really had a chance. But I’m back, and even better, I should have some more pics up soon.
Anyway, so I went to my two month post-op review with my surgeon and he was delighted with his work, if he does say so himself. I told him about my occasional left arm pain (which is gone now) and he said it is completely normal and happens as my nerves kind of re-ignite, or get working again. (I’m sure there’s an actual medical term for that but I’m too lazy to Google it).
Both boobs have softened up a lot in the past few weeks, so maybe that’s what the twinges were. The PS also said they looked pretty natural, and told me to come back in one year for further review. Yay!

Also, I had sex again on Saturday night (let me just say, at the risk of people thinking I’m a complete slut or something, that before this year I had a loooong dry spell. Main reason? My lack of confidence of course! I’m not saying people should get a boob job to improve their sex lives, but really, it’s amazing how much my confidence has improved, and THAT is something guys notice, not just the boobs. I walk with my shoulders back and my head high, not slightly hunched over, tugging at my top.)
Yeah, so it was with a guy I’ve actually known for years…who I like a lot. We were lying in my bed deliberating on whether having sex would ruin our friendship (as you do) when I just burst out, “Ihadaboobjobinnovember.” He confrimed my new-found realisation that people’s reactions to this news are generally good! NO ONE I have told has reacted badly, or with weirdness. He was interested and gave me the “Fair play for taking the risk, do what you gotta do” speech. Double yay!
Also he kind of loved them– I said, you know they’re still not as soft as real ones…but he didn’t care because he said they felt great. He then took an almost clinical view of them, running his hands over the scars (which he said aren’t bad looking), pressing the inner corners where the implant ‘starts’, etc. Then he started….mmmmmmm. Sorry that bit is not to be shared 🙂

In general, people have noticed that my boobs have grown a bit. But it’s not negative and no one is jumping down my throat going “YOU HAD PLASTIC SURGERY!!” Some of my frends just said, hey, your boobs look great, you (finally) got a pair! Hehe. But I’m soooo happy with them. I love that I can look brilliant in nice dresses and tops, I love walking around in a t-shirt and no bra and having lovely round, non-saggy boobs, I love my new body confidence…..so for anyone worried about ANYTHING, just remember 1. why you want to get it done and 2. It will all be worth it….

But they LOOK fantastic…

January 15, 2008

So I had sex last weekend for the first time since I had the surgery. Thank God, because I hadn’t had sex in four months, which is just too long a time with no sex in it.
Anyway it was with this guy…who we’ll call Jack…..that I’ve liked for a while. And he’s liked me for a while and we were building it up and sending steamy texts…and we’ve gone out casually a few times, usually with other people, and kissed and fumbled.
So finally we decided we’d go out and see what happened. A non-date, because I made him meet me late– outside date time. I hate dates, they’re like job interviews, except you don’t have the bonus of getting a salary at the end.
So we went out and ended up back in his place.
(Incidentally, it’s hard figuring out what to wear when you know you’re simply meeting someone for sex. A coat with nothing underneath? Not in Ireland, your body parts would freeze and then snap off. Jeans and a t-shirt? Slightly boring. I mean, you want to have no fuss, easily removable clothes…which rules out socks, skinny jeans, tights…In the end I wore black trousers, slip on flats and a vest….IN WINTER I wore this. Like a complete fucking idiot. The minute I got outside I regretted it….it was about minus 5 degrees!)
ANYway, sorry. So we went back to his place and it began. He knew about the boobs, I told him a few weeks ago. He was also pretty cool about it. I do believe most guys–who were attracted to you in the first place–will be excited about your new boobs. Guys who say they don’t like the idea are LYING. Men are programmed to like breasts–and the ones (who have already attacked me on this blog) who say fake breasts feel shit and look shit don’t know what they are talking about, and are probably virgins.
Jack, in any case, thought they were the best things ever. I won’t go into the sex details (although I will say that it didn’t really happen the first time, due to the amount of alcohol consumed, so at 4am we did it again and it was fantastic) but at one point, I noticed he was in a position where, if he looked up, he would be face to face with the scars…and I laughed and said, they’re not finished yet! And he said, listen, I don’t give a shit about scars. Turns out a lot of squeezing and rubbing doesn’t hurt, for those who wanted to know.
So I asked him, the next day, for the verdict, and he said again that they look amazing. He actually couldn’t stop touching them…I was like, listen they’re not THAT great–yet—because they’re not fully soft and all that jazz. But apparently, it’s how they look more than how they feel…at least for this guy.
I can’t decide which of us is more caught up with appearances…

Did I really think that?

January 6, 2008

The other day I had a rare insight into how I used to think of myself, and more importantly how other people think of me. Well, used to think of me. I knew I was unhappy with my chest size but I didn’t know I projected this unhappiness like an aura, making me self-conscious and making any guys I was with feel uncomfortable.
I was talking to a friend of mine who I used to work with, and who I used to have kissing sessions with too, which one night turned into sex on the sitting room floor of his apartment. This was about two years ago, or more. I really liked him at the time but the shadow of the small breasted girl’s enemy–The Girl With Bigger Boobs–hung over me like a cloud.We were having drinks Thursday night talking about our ill-fated hook up (he was seeing someone else at the time–yet another sign of my lack of confidence–going for men I knew wouldn’t be able to be with me properly) and we were laughing at the drunken mess we were that night. I told him about my boob job and he was cool about it, saying good for you etc.
Then he reminded me of a conversation we had once where we were kissing in some bar in town and he was trying to feel my boobs. I would always immediately tense up when this happened, although this particular time I didn’t. But the other day he told me that after he had put his hand up my top I said “Do you hate me now?”

Christ. I don’t remember being that bad. I don’t remember saying it, but obviously I did. It’s kind of pathetic but also an excellent insight into how I felt about myself. That’s why it didn’t work between us, I was too crippled with insecurity. Oh and, he had a girlfriend.

It’s amazing how much better I feel about myself now, I know I keep saying it, but it’s true. ANYONE with an insecurity, and everyone has them, will feel better when they consciously go and do something about it. I am not saying that a woman’s happiness depends on her breast size, I’m saying MY happiness was blocked by my own warped view of myself–so I changed it.

Also I still do mostly forget I had it done. I have no pain apart from an occasional and mild muscle twinge, the scars are starting to improve, and they have dropped slightly already. As for softness, the outside of each one is really much softer than the insides, but they will get softer I know. When I lie down, they are harder.

But anyway imagine saying that or thinking that…that a guy who obviously liked me enough to be with me in the first place would go off me because I had no boobs. I was convinced of this for so long…Now if a guy goes off me, at least I know it’s not because I look shit in a nice bra 🙂