I’m BACK

You know, saying sorry for neglecting my blog, and all the lovely people who left comments and asked questions, doesn’t really make up for the fact that I…well, neglected my blog and all the lovely people who left comments and asked questions 🙂

If it’s any consolation, I have been travelling in South America all summer and literally got back this week. Amazing time…more on that later! I FINALLY have some pics to upload. They’re not recent (well, they’re from May- 6 months post-op) but they’re pretty much the same now…except they’re more tanned!

Sorry in advance for the bad quality/dodgy angles…I took them myself, in my bedroom, so they’re not great! I wore a padded plunge bra from H&M in some (love that fucking bra!) and a non-padded black bra from Marks and Spencer in the others. Size: 34C.

Anyway hope you’re all well and I’m gonna get to the questions. Please keep leaving comments. If this blog helps even five people feel better about themselves then it’s worth it. Post your experiences, pics, feelings, any negativity you’ve experienced…’cos here we’re among friends!!

P.S Anyone who wants a 34C and wants to know what implants I have- 260cc silicone, under the muscle, crease incision. My scars are not completely gone, not 100% happy about that…my ADVICE for today is: BUY scar therapy/cream/oil and use it twice a day! I didn’t. That shit has been proven to work. Actually tomorrow I’ll blog about a new one I was told about, that’s expensive but supposed to be AMAZING.

Anyway I’m off to bed…still jet lagged!
Love to all xx

Is there something different about you?

So, I’ve reached six weeks post-op and I’m feeling great. FUCK YES. I remember how worried I was before my surgery and wish I could go back and tell myself to calm down and stop worrying. I really must be a textbook case, because I’ve had no problems at all with the boobs. They’ve dropped almost completely into my natural shape and look identical to how they did before my surgery, just fuller and bigger. Still not really completely soft, but I know that takes months.
The scars are still visible but I’m using Bio Oil on them every day and will let you know if it does improve the appearance. I do think they’re slightly less red already.
But don’t use stuff like this on scars that are not fully closed or healed.

I have, however, reached the point where I THINK people close to me are noticing. Don’t know if I’m just paranoid, or they have noticed. I only told my family and my really close friends, oh and that guy I had sex with a few years ago (but that’s because he of course noticed straight away).
My other friends are definitely noticing, not really when I see them, but when they look at photos of me, it’s really obvious.
But what they are thinking is NOT that I’ve had a boob job, but that I look like I’ve naturally gotten bigger.
One girl I know (and don’t like) actually came out and asked me if I had a boob job–I just laughed and mentioned they’ve gotten bigger because I switched birth control pills….

But (and because people keep asking me) unless you go up to a triple D or something, NO ONE will notice, unless you tell them. I seriously doubted this before my surgery but now I know, from my own experience…the one or two people who asked if I had a boob job are people I don’t care about and they were even only saying it jokingly…no one in work has noticed, no one I casually hang out with, my best friend hasn’t even noticed…or if she has, she hasn’t said anything.

Some advice: if you don’t want people to know you got it done, gradually increase the size of your breasts before your surgery, using padding, those chicken fillet things, whatever you have. I did this for two months before my op and it was a great idea–no one in work has noticed at all.

I hope this doesn’t all sound hypocritical–since I’ve said I don’t like when people deny they’ve had surgery–but I tell the people important to me, not people I KNOW will think differently of me and give me shit about it, unless I have to. Not worth the hassle.

Because we’re worth it

Last night I went Christmas shopping, and in the usual tradition of me, ended up buying more stuff for myself than for anyone else. I went into Marks and Spencer and got sucked into buying loads of lovely bras just because I could.
I used to hate bra buying before, it was more damage control than joyous lingerie gathering. I would buy the one that I thought would make me look bigger (most padding) and ones that I thought would give me more cleavage, and they NEVER really did. I spent loads on Wonderbras, on Calvin Klein bras…none of which fit me now of course. But now, I can choose any bra in my faaaabulous 34C size and I know I’ll look good in it. I bought five bras last night…one is a gorgeous padded push up one from M&S and I couldn’t wait to get home and try it on. It looked brilliant on me–I have cleavage and shape and fullness and when I put on a lovely blue dress I could never wear before…I wanted to go out in it there and then!
(I know I’m not supposed to be wearing underwire yet– but trying them on can’t hurt, can it?)
Anyway I should have taken a pic. I was so excited. It probably sounds stupid but when you spend years looking at yourself in the mirror and then trying to hide/change what you see, and then that change happens, it’s an amazing feeling…and it’s all been worth it. The pain, the discomfort, the worry, the money….ALL of it. I would go through it again tomorrow. And even if something did go wrong, I’d do whatever I could to fix it and keep my implants.

Will mine look like this??

By “this” I mean Posh, above, and also here:

I have nothing personal against Victoria “overdone” Beckham, and I’m also not sure if she has admitted she has breast implants, but lets be honest, it’s pretty obvious. I don’t judge her for this, I’m also not planning on admitting it. But the difference is, mine won’t be so stuck on blow up beachballs obvious. I hope. I specifically told the PS I didn’t want this look. He told me that lots of girls want the “fake” look, and let them on I say, each to her own, etc. I just think it looks horrible. It also doesn’t suit VB’s tiny frame. See her before (that’s if, at the risk of some sort of slander accusation, she has had BA, but really look at the pictures and decide for yourself. It really is a no-brainer):

She looks good here (well, except for the weird alien glare), also, she is still bigger than me in the before pic. But I do not want to look like someone inflated two rubber balls and glued them to my chest. This is actually my biggest worry about the procedure. I felt slightly better about it when I spoke to that nice girl from the clinic I mentioned before (the one who very nicely let me feel her own implants, which were very nice indeed.)
She said people often assume ALL implants look like Posh’s. She specifically mentioned VB as an example of what people think implants always look like. But there are loads of other celebs who’ve had BA who look more natural. I wonder why this is. I doubt Mrs. Beckham went to a surgeon and said “I want them to look sooooo fake, you know, about as fake as my hair, tan, teeth and singing voice on the Spice Girls albums, not to mention my voice on my own solo albums, one of which was never actually released because the record company realised how crap I was.”
But if she didn’t ask for this, then what DID she ask for?
Seriously, if mine look this fake, I won’t be too thrilled. Although, I’m nowhere near as skinny as Posh (more pear-shaped) and I’m getting smaller implants. So I doubt I will.

EDIT: Have just read Heat magazine, who coincidentally have a cover story on “Posh: How Surgery is Ruining Her Looks.” (Looks like I’m not the only wondering what the hell she’s at).
It says (interestingly):
“Despite her ex-PA Rebecca Loos claiming she’d had three (boob jobs), Posh famously made repeated denials that she’d had breast implants, until she was forced to admit it in papers in a court case. Over the past few years, Posh’s chest has swelled. At the Spice Girls’ press conference, her ‘stuck-on’ boobs became the centre of attention.
‘She’s so thin that she doesn’t have any leeway to cover her implants,’ explains plastic surgeon Alex Karidis. ‘That’s why you get that half coconut shell look. They look very stiff and uncompliant because there’s no tissue to flow with the implant.'”

Hmmm. I have very little breast tissue to flow with the implant…will mine look like hard balls??? God. Must check this out.

Under or over?

I’ve taken this from this article on breast augmentation:

“The placement of breast implants is either sub-glandular or sub-muscular. Sub-muscular can either be partial or complete. With partial sub-muscular placement, the bottom third of the implant is not covered by muscle. With both partial and complete placement bellow the muscle there are usually fewer instances of complications and mammography tests are easier to perform. When implants are placed sub-glandular, insertion is faster and easier, and there is usually a shorter recovery period.

The primary difference between sub-glandular and sub-muscular is the type of look that the breasts have. For sub-glandular, the implants gives a distinct cleavage line which extends up over the top of the breast. For sub-muscular, the cleavage is not as distinct and does not continue up over the top of the breast. The degree to which the placement affects the final result depends upon several factors.”

Basically what this means is, if you get the implants behind (or under) the muscle, you have a longer recovery time, more pain, and less ‘high’ cleavage; but you also reportedly have less rippling or moving around of the implant, a more natural look, and apparently, it is easier for radiologists to detect breast cancer.

Mine are behind my muscle because I was too small to have them put on top.
Rates of capsular contracture are reportedly slightly lower with implants placed behind the muscle, which made me happy. I’d rather have more pain at first with more benefits later on.
But of course it’s different for everyone…and implants placed over the muscle obviously have loads of benefits too…they are softer faster, they drop quicker and your muscle isn’t sliced open…

The hardest part is over…

Went for my first consultation with plastic surgeon yesterday. I thought I wasn’t nervous but one of the staff in there told me afterwards that I looked terrified. So much for my unaffected poise…It was slightly horrible, only because I had to stand half naked under harsh office lighting while the PS (who was very nice) measured every inch of my chest. Turns out I’m even smaller than I thought!
Anyway, the people at the ACS clinic were all lovely. I checked when I went in if the surgeons are registered with the Irish Medical Council (they are) and I also asked could I check out before and after pics of breast ops.
But first, I had my discussion with the Surgeon.
He asked me what I wanted done, my expectations, my medical history, etc. He then measured me (gaaah) and felt around my boobs for any lumps, bumps or unusual parts. (This didn’t take long, since there’s not much there!)
After I put my bra back on (which took about four hours because my hands were shaking!) he told me all about the operation, the risks, the recovery, and the follow up care I’d get at the clinic.
“Any questions?” he said then, and I asked could I stay overnight at the clinic as I would be on my own afterwards. He looked concerned and said of course, the bed is mine anyway. I also asked about size.
This is the most important bit. For anyone out there who wants this done and thinks she knows exactly what size she wants, well prepare to be flexible.
According to my PS, he first needs to know my hopes of what I will look like afterward. I said I wanted a natural increase, meaning I don’t want to look huge, as I’m naturally small anyway and I don’t mind still being small (ish). So I said a B cup. Mr. Surgeon then gave me a number of different silicone balls to try on. He explained that they are measured in volume, not cup size, so for example, he suggested I go with 240 ccs, which is slightly above a B cup. He said once the implant is inside, it will eventually drop and sit properly, and won’t look as big as it did when I stuck it in my bra. (That is important. Because I had it in my bra, i.e outside my breast, and of course it will be further back once inserted, therefore not as far out. If you get me.)
I asked him could I go for maybe a 220cc, thinking 240 was too big. But he said in his opinion 240 would be best, and I should take time to think about it. He said once I’m under (open?) during the surgery, he looks in and sees what will fit. (Have images of myself lying on op table with slits in boobs, as surgeon slides various implants in and out…euggh!)
He then told me, because I have very little breast tissue, he would put the implants behind my muscle, not in front.
In breast augmentation (I found out) implants are either put behind the muscle, or behind the breast tissue (‘overs’). Women with enough breast tissue are given the overs, which apparently have a quicker recovery time and less pain. In my case though they will go behind.
The PS told me to come back for a second consult if I wanted, then brought me out to speak to a lovely girl (a patient co-ordinator, I think her title is) who, I found out, is the daughter of the owner of the clinic. As she led me into another consult room I was admiring her lovely shoes, and I thought she was about my age, maybe in her late 20s. She then told me she was 37, which I still can’t believe. She has implants in and let me feel them, something I’ve been dying to do to see if they would be hard and fake looking. But hers were lovely and felt really soft. Yay!
She told me the op would cost 6,150 euro, and talked to me about what to expect and about size. She knows I don’t want a big increase but also recommended the 240ccs. She said the difference between 240 and 220 is about a teaspoon in volume and so I may as well go with the 240. I think she’s right.
She also urged me to have a second consultation with a different surgeon, to see who I liked better.
So I’m going back on October 16 to meet another PS, who specialises in BA and who inserts the implants through the armpit or the nipple. Lots of people prefer this because there is then no scar on the breasts. I wonder how they get the implant through the armpit though–I’m guessing that will be much more painful!
I’ll meet this second guy then decide, and book my surgery. I’m thinking around the end of November. Hopefully the swelling will have gone down for all the Christmas parties…